How to Show Up Differently

career confidence negative thoughts thoughts Nov 25, 2020

One of the things I've been talking to friends about is how to show up differently in any situation, particularly with more confidence.

I hear from a lot of women in particular, that showing up with confidence is something that's very difficult for them. The number one thing that helps us to change the way that we show up, to show up more confidently, is the thoughts that we have in any given situation.

Like we've talked about before, the thoughts that you have determine the feelings that you have.  Those feelings help you determine what actions you're going to take, and the actions you take lead to the results that you have.

If you're having a result that is showing up self-consciously, or without confidence in a particular situation, then we need to go all the way back to the thoughts that you're having about that situation, and how you can modify those to show up differently.

Let's take an example. If you're headed into a management team meeting, and you're thinking to yourself, "They never listen to what I have to say.  They never give me the opportunity to speak.   I always have something valuable to say, but they never hear me or do what I suggest. This particular person is going to steal my idea and take credit for it." These are all thoughts that you're having.

The feelings that they will create for you is the feeling of self consciousness, a feeling of worthlessness, a feeling of not being needed, of being a waste of time, all those types of feelings.

Because you're having those types of feelings in that meeting, you likely won't speak up as much.  Or if you do speak up, you'll speak up with a shaky voice, a little more timid than what you intend to.  Even coming from a place of anger and frustration, instead of helpfulness and moving forward.

The results that you'll get are exactly what you thought about.   They won't listen to you, they won't value your opinion, you won't be respected, and they won't think that you have confidence.

To change that result, we need to change the initial thought.  The initial thought that we need to have is, "I know what I'm talking about. I'm right in this situation.  I'm the one who clearly understands the situation.  If I express myself, the right people will listen to me."

Now the key to changing your thoughts is that you have to actually believe what you're telling yourself. In some cases, that might be, "I know what I'm talking about, and I have the right to speak up."

You can't necessarily change your thought to something you don't believe in. You couldn't change your thought and say, "No matter what I say everybody's gonna believe me and do what I want." That's probably not really realistic, and you probably don't actually believe it.

Before you head in there, change that thought about how this meeting is going to go and start to have more positive and empowering thoughts. Think, "I know what I'm talking about. I'm the best person to comment on this situation. If I speak up the right people will hear me and listen."

When you go into the meeting with those thoughts, you will feel confident, you will feel empowered, and you will feel like you have something to say and that you deserve the right to say it.

The actions you take will reflect that.  You will speak up with confidence, you will say what you want to say in a productive and helpful way. As a result, you will show up confidently and change the way you're showing up in these situations.  

I think it's a really helpful way to think about how you can show up differently in any situation by changing the thoughts that you're having about that situation, and the preconceived notions about what you think will happen.

When you change those thoughts, that will trickle down and change the feelings that you're having, change the actions that you take, and the results that you get.

I wish you the best. Good luck.